Eurovision Losers' Club
by addledwalrus
Summary: The story of the 'We Have Yet To Win Eurovision Club'. Written in preparation for the upcoming contest. Mostly crack.


It was the year 1992 and Finland sat alone in a toilet cubicle, sobbing in despair at his humiliation. He buried his head in his hands as the dreaded words replayed themselves over and over in his mind.

_"Nul points, nul points, nul points..."_

"Why?! Why me?!" He screamed, slamming his fist into the wall. He knew that the others would try to comfort him by saying it was all 'just a song contest', but the fact was that he couldn't stand the shame any longer. Ever since 1961, fate (and his neighbours) had been cruel to him by making him place badly nearly each year. It wasn't fair either that Norway had joined around the same time as him, yet had already won once.

The ultimate under-achiever of Eurovision was what they called him, and it would take a miracle for him to ever win.

He forced himself to stand and tore a piece of toilet paper to wipe his behind, before leaving his cubicle to go the sink. He turned on the tap and eyed his reflection in the mirror, glimpsing the figure of Sweden standing at the far end.

_"Wipe that smug smile off your face, you fucking idiot. So what, you've won three times?" _He thought, flashing a bitter glare at the Swede while shaking his hands dry.

Finland walked out of the bathroom, his head hung low in defeat as he made his way past an ecstatic Ireland, whom was celebrating their fourth victory.

Ireland won again in 1993 and 1994, creating a three-year streak and a record never before seen in the history of the contest. Finland could only wish those victories were his and that his neighbours would stop making fun of him all the time. Then again, it was their fault and not his, right?

On the bright side, a few new countries had joined the contest in the past couple of years. Most of them were from Eastern and Southern Europe, newly independent and not yet experienced with how it all worked.

_"I guess this means I'm not alone, anymore..." _Finland reassured himself.

An idea sprung up in his head soon after and he grinned.

* * *

"So what's this idea of yours, Finland?" Iceland asked quietly while seated next to the other nation.

"Oh, you know how you and these others have yet to win?" Finland smiled, gesturing towards a tight-knit group that included Estonia, Hungary, Lithuania and Poland among others.

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking we could start a 'We Have Yet To Win Eurovision' club."

Iceland cleared his throat and opened his mouth. "You know that they've all only just joined, right? They could be winning in the near future."

"And do you really want to feel alone?" Finland asked tersely, taking Iceland by surprise. "Don't forget I'm not the only one, because you've never won either."

There was a silence between the two, in which Iceland considered Finland's offer. He glanced at the new contest participants a few times before sighing and extending his hand.

"Fine, I'm joining your club...but it better be worthwhile."

Finland grabbed his hand and shook it firmly, before letting go so that he could call some of the newcomers over.

* * *

**Oslo, 1996**

Finland, Iceland, Croatia, Estonia, Hungary, Poland, Romania, Slovakia and several others watched the contest as the unofficial 'We Have Yet To Win Eurovision Club', or 'WHYTWEC' for short (Finland wasn't the best at coming up with names). Lithuania, despite being a member due to Poland's insistence, wasn't present at this year's contest for reasons they did not understand. As for Russia, no one was brave enough to approach him.

The unlikely group tried to enjoy the performances from their various seating positions, all the while connected to each other by the slim chances of actually winning.

Not surprisingly, Ireland scored their seventh victory that night.

* * *

**Stockholm, 2000**

Latvia, the youngest Baltic state, made his début and Finland made no hurry to ask for his presence in the club. While initially skeptical about it, Latvia gave in once he found out that Estonia was a member.

The two sat together for the length of the contest, conversing in their native languages. Finland could only guess what they were talking about, but something about their expressions and tones of voice made him feel nervous.

* * *

**Copenhagen, 2001**

Estonia couldn't believe it was actually happening. He had actually _won _and most of Europe was now cheering for plain little old him. He felt overwhelmed with emotion and swiftly removed his foggy glasses so that he could wipe them, while a few tears of joy seeped from his eyes.

As Finland wasn't present that year, Estonia decided to tell him of his victory by phone.

"Finland, you won't believe it! I've actually won!"

"For God's sake, Estonia! I'm watching it on TV now! Do you really think I don't know?!"

"Sorry, but I just thought that maybe you could be a little happier for me?"

The phone line went quiet and Estonia immediately feared that something had gone wrong, only for his worries to disappear when Finland resumed speaking.

"Estonia, I...I don't know whether to proud...or to be jealous, but...I'm going to miss you so much!"

* * *

**Tallinn, 2002**

"I've won, Estonia! I've won!" Latvia squealed in delight, as he and the other Baltic nation hugged each other passionately and danced together in the aisle.

Lithuania shook his head at the sight and burst into tears, muttering something about coming second last and being lonely.

Finland watched him crying and could only feel relieved that it wasn't him whom had placed last this time. He took a deep breath and thought of who could possibly be the next to win.

* * *

**Istanbul, 2004**

It was the year that Albania, Andorra, Belarus and Serbia and Montenegro made their début in the contest. It was also the year that Ukraine won, which was very surprising, since she had only debuted in 2003. In fact, Finland was beginning to suspect that there was a conspiracy going on.

_"That must be it. Ever since Estonia's victory, it's been mostly Eastern Europeans that have won. They must be supporting each other, though I wish someone would lend me some extra points every so often. We're going to keep losing members, aren't we?"_

He glanced over at an uncomfortable looking Norway and once again reminded himself that this was as lucky as he was ever going to get.

* * *

**Kiev, 2005**

"Goodbye, everyone." Greece said dully, as if his win was hardly a remarkable thing. He waved and simply took off to get his prize, leaving the others to sit around in disappointment.

"I could have won...but instead I came second place." Moldova complained as he cried to his brother Romania.

"Life isn't fair, is it?" Romania replied sympathetically, reaching out and stroking the younger nation's hair.

Finland looked around his circle and decided to guess who the next winner would be. He considered past results and came to the rather wild conclusion that it would be Lithuania.

* * *

**Athens, 2006**

Finland wasn't half wrong in his previous prediction, taking into account Lithuania's entry this year. It was quite amusing when the Baltic country's entrants stepped on stage and falsely declared victory in such a dramatic way.

Nothing could prepare Finland however, for Lordi's victory. In the weeks leading up to the contest, he had chosen to doubt all the hype surrounding the band and assumed it would end in another loss for him.

It was only when they dominated the stage that Finland realized a little faith in himself and the power of rock wasn't always a bad thing.

He did his best to keep a straight face when he was announced as the winner, only for his past bitterness to unleash itself against his own wishes.

"Iceland! I hereby pass the leadership of this club on to you!" He yelled.

He raised both of his fists in the air and screamed in euphoria, before bolting down the stairs at break neck speed.

Iceland sunk in his chair and looked anxiously at Malta, whom simply shrugged back.

"Are your fellow Nordic brothers always like this?" The Mediterranean island asked with a weary sigh.

"No, they're usually pretty calm. Well, most of the time..."


End file.
